The Art of Forgiveness: How to live in the Source of Acceptance.
The following you’re about to read is a true account of what happened.
The full story I’m anecdoting here for the purpose of emphasising my point and how I was able to integrate this into my experience will not be included here but a brief version can be found on my youtube channel at Saja Fendél.
After I had spent an eternity in hell and limbo, I came out and experienced the ultimate torture & condemnation.
First, I experienced every form of suffering that has ever happened or could happen at once.
Not just witnessing it or observing it from another point of view, actually experiencing, and suffering it. As if it was syringed into my mind.
It was as though I had tuned into the darkest part of the collective vibration of fear, dread and pain. There were also visions of it all happening synonymous with the feeling of it.
I was incapacitated on the floor as if I was electrocuted.
Then, I experienced as if I was the one who had committed the entire mass of suffering of existence.
Murders, rape, suicides, the entire spectrum of why people were suffering and what I was experiencing, turned into me being the perpetrator of it.
And this, I have to say, was the real challenge. Out of reliving every worst possible lifetime of my life, spending eternity in an infinite empty limbo of dread, fear and despair, experiencing the universal suffering, none could compare to this.
It was the guilt, shame and condemnation I accumulated from realising what I believed to have caused. And I knew exactly what I had caused because not only could I see it, I had already felt it all.
I had first-hand experience of it all. It wasn’t just an idea or assumption. It was a reality.
For the sake of an analogy, it’s like someone killing your parents and then killing someone else’s parents and then suffering both sides of the coin but for every possible thing that’s ever happened all at once.
So the weight of that knowing amplified into a guilt, shame and condemnation that was the most incredibly tormenting aspect of this entire experience in fact it is what made hell, hell.
There was one thing left I could fathom doing. Beg for forgiveness.
I didn’t know who I was begging. I was just begging. Begging no one I realised. Then I begged to God in hopes that God did exist and if he did he would somehow hear my prayers and forgive me.
I had this extremely intense feeling that I just wanted someone, anyone, to know what I had caused and forgive me.
But no one would be able to comprehend the true extent of what I had done to even understand what it would take to forgive me.
No one could truly know what I had caused because how can you explain to someone that you’ve caused every possible form of suffering that has ever existed? It’s only comprehensible unless you’ve directly experienced it.
Death would not end this torture because I had already experienced the lifetimes where suicide would bring me right back to this very moment.
And at that moment I realised only I had experienced what I was begging to be forgiven.
Therefore if there was a possibility of being forgiven then it was I who must forgive myself.
Then suddenly I realised if there was only one perpetrator then there is only one cause, and if there is only one cause that must be reality or existence itself.
If reality itself caused all this suffering then that reality must be me. What else could know or be aware of this experience other than that which let it all happen? But what else could let everything happen other than reality itself?
At that moment I recognised the absolute forgiveness.
It is the most loving, most omnibenevolent act that could exist. It is reality’s acceptance for creation to be completely, wholesomely and ultimately as it is.
It is creation itself. It is what allows for all things to be. From a human point of view, it is like a gate through which we enter the realm of eternal love.
There is no true cause of suffering. Suffering is an appearance — that like the idea of birds and trees — is a consequence of there being anything at all.
They have no absolute existence of their own. They exist because there is the appearance of manifestation in the first place.
Reality, forgiveness, is the full acceptance and allowing for everything to exist as it wants to be. There could be no manifestation of anything if there wasn’t this quality of natural and ultimate forgiveness.
If there is to be infinity, or creation or any manifestation at all, which there is, then we can’t just have some things happen. We can’t just have a few things occur here but exclude all of this because it’s not that good.
Everything must occur if there is to be anything at all.
Reality, Being, God, Existence, its nature is the forgiving of all apparent things the loving possibility and potential to exist.
And at that moment, I forgive myself. But I was not really forgiving myself. I was recognising the fact that all things, all appearances or activities, had already been forgiven. In in that moment reality sunk into my heart.
It wasn’t something I did. It wasn’t an act. There are no acts of forgiveness.
It was something I recognised was my — or — more accurately, our, infinite and inherently loving nature.
Forgiveness is when we relax into the absolute essence of our true nature. It is a letting go and resting in the warmth of true acceptance of Being itself.
It’s a prior acceptance, or more accurately an infinite acceptance, an acceptance that doesn’t take place in time. In this sense, it’s not really an acceptance.
Acceptance needs to be understood as a negative. It is the same as the word ‘hole’.
There isn’t really a thing called a hole. The word hole describes “the absence of” something. Likewise with the word acceptance. It describes the moment when resistance disappears.
What is it that can not resist? Our Being. How do we access our being? Through the pure forgiveness that we are speaking of here.
It is simply that where resistance can not take place.
It doesn’t and didn’t and couldn’t take place at the moment it appears. It’s a river of being that already was, is and forever will be. That is the consciousness of Christ. That is the Tao of Lao Tzu. The Brahman of Vedanta.
Forgiveness is not an act presented only in accordance with wrongdoing. It has little to do with that.
It’s a recognition that we are, in our essence, already in love with and all welcoming of, anything that arises in our experience.
We have complete access to this quality of experience because it is our nature. And if we are able to recognise the nature of our Self, which we can, since we are only and ever could be our Self, we too can live in the natural flow of this baseline condition of love.
True forgiveness is the forgiving all apparent things the possibility to come into Being. It’s something we recognise that is already the case.
You do not have to wait for something to happen to access this fore-giving-ness. It is accessible to you here now, by simply going there.
Try for yourself. Go now to this fore-givingness and watch how you lighten your experience. Don’t go to its word but to its referent.
It is its nature to bring anything and everything into itself.
But this does not mean rejecting and averting acts that on a relative level are harmful or unjust.
On the contrary.
Because it is very likely that we will feel the urge not to avoid or bypass these situations with the idea that “I am forgiveness” and to resist that urge would too be a situation where we are not accepting the flow of life to do as it wants — which would be an act against this loving forgiveness that I am speaking of here.
We reject nothing. Not even the appearance of frustration and anger that could arise. They are also something that is begging to be brought into the light of forgiveness.
As a human, we are gifted with this ability. As our true essence, it is our baseline nature.
Through consistent recognising of this forgiveness in any given moment we gradually unravel the limitations our mind imposes on what we are, which is what causes us to resist life, feel separate from it, and therefore suffer.
Not only is this forgiveness the biggest gift to ourselves, but to everything and everyone that comes into its peripheral.
All the Love and Wonder,
Saja.
If you like what I’m sharing here, here’s how I may be able to help you personally: My Dojo.
